Well it has been a while since I have updated, but let me assure you that I have good reason. I do not have a camera anymore for the time being, seeing that I had to send my iPhone back to America (it didn't work here and Sprint was mad that my dad wasn'tpaying anymore even though he signed a contract) and I left my shoddy Co0lP!x (UghI am sorry but it is horrible quality, no matter how many times they feature Ashton Kutcher in the commercials) camera in America and it may or may not have been on purpose.Anyways, I decided I was going to let everyone know about a ritual that I have been going through with,
every.
single.
day.
that I have been here and it will likely be continued on for the years to come.
I kill flies.
There are so many here, I do not think I could begin to explain just how many there are in a numerical value. In the really nice parts of town, there are basically not all that existent, but my parents have unfortunately chosen YET ANOTHER rural neighborhood to keep me left with nothing to stare at other than unpaved roads and the remains plastic bags. The other day I honestly caught myself staring in awe at a telephone pole.
We live in an area that is known for its farming, and where there are farms, there are also livestock. These livestock attract the flies, leaving our neighborhood to be overpopulated with them.When we were painting the rooms of our house, we had to leave the windows open. The windows had the wonderful screens on them. But then, with my mom being my mom, she insisted on opening the doors as well, which did not have screens. They came in flocks and they made themselves right at home. Within one hour, I swear all you could hear was a constant
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
BZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BzZZZZZZZZZZ
It was nonstop. I tried lying down to take a little nap, but it was completely impossible.You know that feeling whenever all you want to do is get a really really good nap in to just relax and unwind. So you settle down into bed and get comfortable and for the first time in days, your pillow feels just right and your sheets are semi-cool and you breathe easily and calmly. And then, just as you are finally getting to the magic, you hear a faint high-pitched ring.
And suddenly you try to take a deep breath and just calm yourself down and say, it's just a simple little fly/mosquito/ devil spawn, but it never works. Because somehow, some weird twisted way, the insect knows what it does to you. It loves to have that power over you in the only way that it can. With you being 9000x bigger than its size, the fly makes up for its size in its disgusting noises.
Whenever this happens, my priority list quickly changes. Sleep was at the top of the list, but killing the damn fly becomes my number one. I see it as my only obstacle between me and my dream sleep. It is unfortunate that the small, tiny, miniature (insert another synonym for small) insect was able to make me have weird tunnel vision, but I had to do it. So you know when people chuckle and they insultingly say to you "Haha, you couldn't even kill a fly" as if it the simplest thing in the world. It really isn't.
Flies are so freaking quick and they have wings which we as a human race have not figured out how to build yet. When you see it land on a spot and watch its disgusting little hands rub together and then spit/throw up on them again and then continue to rub, you take it as your opportunity to find a shoe and slam it against the fly.But its bloody remains are no where to be found and sure enough, I swear, within a minute, that high-pitched ring will be back again. A large shoe backed by your hundred pounds of force should have been enough to kill it, but the fly is swift. With my expertise, I have devised a short yet helpful guide to killing them.
1) Have the perfect shoe ready.
It should be medium sized and very flexible. I am not sure if this is self explanatory or not, but don't try a high heeled shoe. It needs to be flat and flexible, like shower slippers. If it bends, then it works.
2) Wait for the fly to land on a flat surface.
It is so much harder to get it on a bed or a curtain. When it lands on the wall, that is a blessing from God. Walls are the best because you are able to see it clearly and the power that you place on the flexible shoe will be much more efficient when you do it vertically.
3) Place the power of the shoe, on the heel/ sole of the shoe, not on the top.
I used to think it was better to place all my weight on the top, but I quickly learned that when you put the weight on the sole, the top of the shoe springs forward much quicker.
4) Kill it. You'll feel better.
Also in place of shoes, I also really like WET dish towels. The moisture helps it become heavier and when you slam it down, its speed increases like crazy. Science science momentum physics jargon.
Well I hope that this has helped. I mean, now you all either know how to kill a fly my way or you think that I am going crazy here since I just spent an entire 30 minutes writing about how to kill a fly.
Either way, I hope it was entertaining.
every.
single.
day.
that I have been here and it will likely be continued on for the years to come.
I kill flies.
I tried to find a picture of the least offensive fly. Although, I am having problems with even this one.
There are so many here, I do not think I could begin to explain just how many there are in a numerical value. In the really nice parts of town, there are basically not all that existent, but my parents have unfortunately chosen YET ANOTHER rural neighborhood to keep me left with nothing to stare at other than unpaved roads and the remains plastic bags. The other day I honestly caught myself staring in awe at a telephone pole.
We live in an area that is known for its farming, and where there are farms, there are also livestock. These livestock attract the flies, leaving our neighborhood to be overpopulated with them.When we were painting the rooms of our house, we had to leave the windows open. The windows had the wonderful screens on them. But then, with my mom being my mom, she insisted on opening the doors as well, which did not have screens. They came in flocks and they made themselves right at home. Within one hour, I swear all you could hear was a constant
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz
BZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BzZZZZZZZZZZ
It was nonstop. I tried lying down to take a little nap, but it was completely impossible.You know that feeling whenever all you want to do is get a really really good nap in to just relax and unwind. So you settle down into bed and get comfortable and for the first time in days, your pillow feels just right and your sheets are semi-cool and you breathe easily and calmly. And then, just as you are finally getting to the magic, you hear a faint high-pitched ring.
And suddenly you try to take a deep breath and just calm yourself down and say, it's just a simple little fly/mosquito/ devil spawn, but it never works. Because somehow, some weird twisted way, the insect knows what it does to you. It loves to have that power over you in the only way that it can. With you being 9000x bigger than its size, the fly makes up for its size in its disgusting noises.
Whenever this happens, my priority list quickly changes. Sleep was at the top of the list, but killing the damn fly becomes my number one. I see it as my only obstacle between me and my dream sleep. It is unfortunate that the small, tiny, miniature (insert another synonym for small) insect was able to make me have weird tunnel vision, but I had to do it. So you know when people chuckle and they insultingly say to you "Haha, you couldn't even kill a fly" as if it the simplest thing in the world. It really isn't.
Flies are so freaking quick and they have wings which we as a human race have not figured out how to build yet. When you see it land on a spot and watch its disgusting little hands rub together and then spit/throw up on them again and then continue to rub, you take it as your opportunity to find a shoe and slam it against the fly.But its bloody remains are no where to be found and sure enough, I swear, within a minute, that high-pitched ring will be back again. A large shoe backed by your hundred pounds of force should have been enough to kill it, but the fly is swift. With my expertise, I have devised a short yet helpful guide to killing them.
1) Have the perfect shoe ready.
It should be medium sized and very flexible. I am not sure if this is self explanatory or not, but don't try a high heeled shoe. It needs to be flat and flexible, like shower slippers. If it bends, then it works.
2) Wait for the fly to land on a flat surface.
It is so much harder to get it on a bed or a curtain. When it lands on the wall, that is a blessing from God. Walls are the best because you are able to see it clearly and the power that you place on the flexible shoe will be much more efficient when you do it vertically.
3) Place the power of the shoe, on the heel/ sole of the shoe, not on the top.
I used to think it was better to place all my weight on the top, but I quickly learned that when you put the weight on the sole, the top of the shoe springs forward much quicker.
4) Kill it. You'll feel better.
Also in place of shoes, I also really like WET dish towels. The moisture helps it become heavier and when you slam it down, its speed increases like crazy. Science science momentum physics jargon.
Well I hope that this has helped. I mean, now you all either know how to kill a fly my way or you think that I am going crazy here since I just spent an entire 30 minutes writing about how to kill a fly.
Either way, I hope it was entertaining.
